he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
