Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
