well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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