they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize