So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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