Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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