Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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