I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
