i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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