and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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