take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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