farters have to be the big spoon...
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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