She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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