I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize