im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
