If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
