I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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