Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
