Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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