Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize