Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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