Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
