I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
