You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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