Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize