Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
