Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
