Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
