I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
