i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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