I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
