I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
