I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
