Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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