If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
