1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think my tv is drunk
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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