When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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