the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
