looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
