K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
