He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
