So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
