someone owes me an orgasm
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
