I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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