Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize