he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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