My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
