omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
