Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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