So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
