we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
