I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
