i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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