You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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