Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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