also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
