I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
