Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
