her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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