I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
