I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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