My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
