you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
