I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
