The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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