Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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