Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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