Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
