im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
