a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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