I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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