in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize